Category: alex turner

A Brit a Day [#1072]

And as the microphone squeaks 
A young girl’s telephone beeps 
Yeah she’s dashing for the exit she’s running to the streets outside 
“Oh you’ve saved me,” she screams down the line 
“The band weren’t very good 
And I’m not having a nice time” 

Yeah but his bird thinks it’s amazing, though 
So all that’s left 
Is the proof that love’s not only blind but deaf 

He talks of San Francisco, he’s from Hunter’s Bar 
I don’t quite know the distance 
But I’m sure that’s far I’m sure that’s pretty far 

I’d love to tell you all my problem 
You’re not from New York City, you’re from Rotherham

Men from Yorkshire seem to have a way with words.  I’ve always said that Sheffield boy Alex Turner [who wrote the song ‘Fake Tales of San Francisco’ for his band Arctic Monkeys when he was about five or something] could make the English language lay down at his feet, rhyming.

And then, of these three idiots who make me laugh until the tears come, two have a connection to Rotherham.  James May grew up there.  And Jeremy Clarkson trained to be a journalist at the Rotherham Advertiser.

And then there was Albert Gardner, a displaced Yorkshireman who, along with his wife May, made us feel like family when we visited Kilwinning, Scotland, in 2000.  The Gardners became like adopted grandparents to me, and while Al may have been able to keep the neighbors in stitches, I’ll never really know how witty his jokes were.  His Yorkshire accent was so heavy that I understood naught of what he said.

A Brit a Day [#839]

After last night’s opening ceremony of the London Olympic Games, my head is spinning with Brits I’d like to humbly thank/honor/kneel down to for the emotionally charged spectacle they laid before my watering eyes:  Danny Boyle, J K Rowling, Sir Paul McCartney, Alex Turner and the Arctic Monkeys [for that awesome cover of ‘Come Together.’  I remember when Alex Turner was too young to drink in the clubs he played in–he finally looks like a grown up man.]

But for the sheer happiness his appearance brought me, I have to pick Sir Kenneth Branagh in a stovepipe hat……

….followed at a respectable distance by Daniel Craig transforming the Queen of England into a Bond girl.

As another viewer wrote on Tumblr, “Anyone know where I can download an app that turns me into a Brit?”

A Brit a Day [#540]

Topless models doing semaphores
wave their flags as she walks by and get ignored
Illuminations on a rainy day
When she walks her footsteps sing a reckless serenade

I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what it is I mean
Called up to listen to the voice of reason
And got the answering machine

The type of kisses where teeth collide
When she laughs her heaven’s horn
A stun gun lullaby
Those twinkling vixens
With a shine spiralize
Their hypnosis goes unnoticed when she’s walking by
–Alex Turner


Alas, it is much easier to find memorable lyrics by Alex Turner than truly great photos of him. Such is the case with a couple of our musician guests, and I will be sending them on a well-earned holiday. Next week, look for David Tennant making his first regular appearance on Mondays as we thank James Blunt for all he has done for us; on Wednesdays, welcome Matt Smith!

A Brit a Day [#532]



“Have you been drinking son, you don’t look old enough to me”

“I’m sorry officer is there a certain age you’re supposed to be?.. nobody told me”

Up rolled the riot van

And these lads just wind the coppers up

Ask why they don’t catch proper crooks

Get their address and their name’s took

But they couldn’t care less

He got thrown in the riot van

And all the coppers kicked him in

And there was no way he could win

Just had to take it on the chin



–Alex Turner

A Brit a Day [#497]

Today is my 20th wedding anniversary–we are celebrating whole-heartedly because we are still going strong. On this day in 1991, Alex Turner would have been 5 1/2. Twenty years must seem like forever to a 25-year-old.